Edinburgh Festival Fringe Day 5 - The Finale

Friday 16^th August

For me this was the final day of my festival activity.  Today was another of those to include a show on my wish list.  This (Jigsaw) was one of the first shows I’d thought of going to see when it was announced in the run up to the festival.  I’ll come back to that in due course, however for the time being let me regale you with my thoughts on the Best of the Fest highlights show.  This was billed as an hour of the best up and coming acts you can see at the festival.  With the exception of Christian Reilly (who appeared in Richard Herring’s As it Occurs To Me Podcast a few years ago), I hadn’t heard of any of the acts on the bill.
The first act was Danny Ward, a relatively new comic who told us of his coping strategies in stressful situations.  These mostly consist of chants to help with relaxation.  One of the stories he told, where he felt the need for one of this chants, was at a place called Teapot Island (?) – No, I hadn’t heard of it either- He assured the audience of its existence.  It’s in Maidstone, Kent.  He described it as an Orwellian Nightmare, which for the rest of us would be the literal sense of the term Big Brother (as opposed to a rubbish Reality TV show).  Throughout the rest of his set he went through a list of his of his anxiety disorders.  For a man with so many disorders he seemed to cope very well on a stage (ironic, I know).  Thankfully this wasn't one of those depressing therapy sessions. Quite the contrary.  His humour was typically English, that of self deprecation. 
After Danny came a female sketch group called Croft and Pearce.  Their first sketch was centred on the Girl Guides, in which one of the duo played the part of Brown Owl, and the other played one of the girls, both adopting Geordie accents.  The premise of this sketch was that Brown Owl was demonstrating some anti-bullying techniques.  Of course this was less a study in Anti bullying techniques and more a demonstration of the Brown Owl character's lack of tact, diplomacy and leadership.  A trait at which all the best character comedy excels.  Some of the ‘children’ were given unflattering names such as 'Fatty Boom Boom', and other culturally unacceptable terms. It was a great lesson in bad leadership.
From there they proceeded to a sketch built around two female characters that wouldn’t have been out of place in the film Brief Encounter.  If Brief Encounter was more about the Women’s Institute and less about the love affair at a train station that is!  One of the ladies was going crazy because of an event being cancelled while the other was trying to calm her down.  This was played out in typically farcical fashion, ultimately leading to the both of them becoming nervous wrecks.  Skilfully written and superbly acted, this duo may well have been my highlight of the showcase.
The penultimate act was the aforementioned Christian Reilly.  His forte seems to be that of a musical impressionist (although not very flattering).  the first example was a demonstration of Bruce Springsteen’s environmentally unfriendly approach to song writing.  That of him singing songs mainly about driving to or from his ‘baby’ or ‘best girl’
Next on his hit list was the ex-Roxy Music singer Bryan Ferry.  The mocking of him came in the shape of Christian pointing out what a hypocrite he is when it comes to Fox hunting.  The song he did to demonstrate this ended with the line ‘What’s your name, get off my land’, which is based on the last line of the song ‘Virginia Plain’
His final victims were The Arctic Monkeys.  It seemed easy for Christian to take a pot shot at their songs.  Not that I wish them any ill will, you understand (I am a fan).  Christian Reilly took their hit single ‘I Bet You Look Good On The Dance floor’ and turned it into ‘Clean Up Your Dance floor’, which turned out to be his funniest parody of all.
The final act of this showcase was Geoff Norcott.  He was there to promote his show ‘Occasionally Sold Out’
Within the first five seconds of coming onto stage he indicated that he may not be well liked because of some of his views.  This turned out to be a confession of being a Tory voter.  Oh well, I guess someone has to be!  Still it has to be said he didn’t spend too much time kissing the butts of the Conservatives.  Some of his material revolved around the young/old divide.  He made jokes about there being a war between those two factions but it would have to be between two and four pm due to the lateness of the young getting out of bed and the old needing a nap after lunch (presuming they had lunch on the dot of twelve).  He also talked about the current austerity measures that we as a nation are currently facing.  His politics aside he was a very competent comedian with an excellent world view.
To round the show off, our compere returned to the stage (I didn’t catch his name) wrapping things up by dancing like Beyonce to her hit Crazy in Love.  It doesn’t sound funny on paper but when a man in his late 30's performs a dance made famous by such a female icon, shaking his booty to boot (no pun intended) one can but laugh!

With a two hour gap between shows me and my friend went for lunch in a small cafe down the road from the Pleasance Courtyard (where both of today's shows were held).  We killed time until the final show - of which I’d been looking forward to all week - began.  The show in question was Jigsaw - Jiggle It.  This sketch group is made up of three comedians, Dan Antapolski, Nat Luurtsema and Tom Craine.  All excellent performers in their own right.  These guys had written a vast amount of sketches for this show.  The show was full of quick set ups and punch lines, all incredibly different.  How they managed to remember all that material is beyond me.  They spent an hour cleverly starting each sketch from the punchline of the previous one.  Again, not sure how they managed it but the whole thing seemed to have a subtle narrative running through it, to which they returned again and again.  Due to the speed at which they jumped from sketch to sketch unsurprisingly they kept the costume changes to a minimum. And even when one was required it was little more than a thrown over affair. 

The sketches ranged from Tom giving Nat a dud scratch card and telling her it was a winner, to songs like The Broadband Bandito.  They performed a number of sketches based on relationships and friendships new and old.  They even managed to do a sketch based in an advertising agency, coming up with slogans for cars.  Throughout the show I could only recall  five or six sketches that I'd heard on their recent Radio 4 show.  Towards the end of the show, Jigsaw managed to bring a conclusion to the story arcs they’d introduced in earlier sketches.
Looking back, for me this was the perfect ending to both their show and my time spent at the festival.  Thank you to all the performers who I saw at The Greatest Comedy and Arts Festivals in the world.   

Edinburgh Festival Fringe Day 4

Thursday 15^th August

To say I had been looking forward, and was very excited about, the second of today’s shows is an understatement.  Of course that excitement didn’t extend to the physical part of my being.  I prefer that to be contained, controlled and hidden. But the day of the show I booked first had arrived.  That day being when I get to sit in the audience of The Comedians Comedian Podcast.  More on that later.
For now let’s concentrate on the Amnesty International Secret Podcast. This, as the name so obviously suggests, is in support of Amnesty International.  This is the organisation who concentrates on issues of freedom of speech and human rights.
Each show is hosted by a different comedian  Today it was the turn of John Moloney, who over the course of an hour brought fellow comedians onto the stage who in turn offer their opinions on topics currently in the news.  They also hand the stage over to other comedians who provide us with five minutes of their own brand of humour.  Most of the comedians being showcased are lesser known but ambassadors for the causes all the same. 
In this recoding of the podcast their showcase comedians were Lee Camp from America and Diane Spencer from England via Australia.  In addition to these two, Beardyman, a champion beat boxer, was also given stage time.  The non performing guests were Mark Dolan and Alfie Moore.   
After coming onto stage and doing some of his own stand up comedy John Moloney introduced the first act, American stand up Lee Camp.  His comedy largely consisted of jokes at the expense of his home country and to a lesser extent Guantanamo Bay.  Even after having seen him on television a few times I wasn’t sure I liked him (as a comedian).  However, in this live context my opinion of him shifted, albeit just a little.
Mark Dolan was next to come onto the stage.  He talked about his show ‘You’re Awesome’ in which members of the audience are invited onto stage to talk about their achievements in life.  We also found out a little background information on him.  For instance, he informed us of his beginnings in comedy.  These date back to 1993, when he was part of a sketch group, formed at university and his experiences of the Festival at that time.
Next to perform was Diane Spencer. I had had first hand experience of her stand up when I saw part of her show Wit, Charm and Filth on her YouTube channel.  Then I thought she was Australian but I have since found that she is British.  Even then I found her engaging and witty, relying on stories of her own life experiences and mostly about the prejudice she has suffered because of her hair colour.  The reason I thought she was Australian was revealed to me after seeing her perform on this podcast.  She has put a lot of thought into the way ginger haired people have been maligned over the years.  In the short time she had on stage here she informed us of the way Australians are more prejudiced against redheads than just about anywhere else in the world.  Of one experience she explained how a particular pub in Australia conducted a ‘Bring a Ranga’ night. This ‘event’ is centred on someone without ginger (or red) hair bringing a ginger (or red) haired person with them in order to get in for free.  She had been with a bloke at the time to whom she asked its meaning, and when he explained the term she refused to go with him.  Later that evening she decided to go to this pub on her own and see if she would be allowed in.  However when she got to the pub she was turned away because ‘it’s Bring a ranga’ not ‘being a ranga’ night.
After Diane Spencer came Alfie Moore.  John Moloney introduced him with the opening gambit of From Copper to Comedian; he is the Laughing Policeman, its Alfie Moore. It’s a strange change of career but as Alfie said he wanted to show that there are some policemen with a sense of humour.  His comedy credentials include the name of his first Edinburgh show as I Predict a Riot, which he had to then change to I Predicted a Riot.  Alfie’s latest show is called Viva Alf’s Vegas, A show in which he highlights some of his gambling habits and addictions. Alfie talked about how for him this is an exercise in catharsis. 
From there, host John Moloney moved the proceedings on by introducing Beardyman to the stage.  Having won numerous awards he now demonstrates his skills in a variety of ways, performing shows at comedy and other festivals, all around the world.  He has turned beat boxing into an art form, and combines the musical with the technical.  He started off by demonstrating a few simple drum sounds, snare, kick, and hi-hat, before bringing his equipment on stage.  He informs us that what we see is called the Beardytron 5000.  Essentially it’s a mixing desk connected to three iPads.  He tells us that in his current show he is attempting to produce an albums worth of new material each day.  In order for him to do this he simply asks the audience to suggest a subject and a musical style to work with.  From here he will use just his mouth to produce all the sounds; the technology is just there to manipulate those sounds.  For the purposes of this podcast it was suggested he create a dance track in the style of Goa Trance, with a Middle Eastern flavour.  He started off with a basic drum beat followed by some vocal sounds and then some synthesiser sounds, and before we knew it he had created a track that would not have been out of place on a 90’s dance compilation.  It was a great demonstration of the human voice box and his skills individually.  And that is where the show concluded. 

Before going into the Gilded Balloon for the second show of the day, The Comedians Comedian Podcast hosted by Stuart Goldsmith, me and my friend spent some time walking around Potter row, and circling the Underbelly.  As we were sitting on a wall outside the Underbelly we were offered flyers from all manner of people.  One of those flogging their wares was a certain Mr Hardeep Singh Kholi.  Having spotted him out the corner of my eye I nudged my friend and pointed in his general direction.  He then came over to us and we chatted for a brief moment.  He mockingly offered a negative summary of his show to which I responded ‘I’ve heard you on the radio and I’m sure it’ll be great’.  And not long after that it was time to head in to The Gilded Balloon for The Comedians’ Comedian podcast. 

For those that are not familiar with this podcast the premise is this; Stuart Goldsmith, who is an established comedian, invites other comedians to talk about their work.  How they gather material, what inspires them to write, what keeps them motivated, etc.  Having once taken part in a Stand up comedy training programme I am curious to know from the professionals how their jokes work, and the general mechanics of comedy.  I have been listening to this particular podcast since the first one appeared on Soundcloud about a year ago. So for me this was one of the festival highlights.  For this edition of the podcast Stuart was talking to Tim Vine, a British comedian who has, over the last twenty years, amassed an enormous arsenal of one liner jokes. 
In the course of the interview we find out that at one low point he was prepared to give up on comedy completely.  This was whilst supporting another British comedian, Boothby Graffoe.  Having talked to him about his concerns he was convinced that he should stick at it.  I for one am glad he took this advice. 
The advice merely consisted of Boothby shrugging his shoulders at Tim, suggesting not to worry about it and carrying on.  Not one of the greatest pieces of advice you can give someone but it seemed to work in this case.
The interview was carried out very well, as I have come to expect from Stuart Goldsmith.  Although it’s an interview situation the mood was kept light by Tim chucking in the odd joke such as ‘Velcro, what a rip-off’!  I’m very much looking forward to hearing the edited highlights of this show when it appears on Soundcloud.

Edinburgh Festival Fringe Day 3

Wednesday 14^th August

Today, in my opinion, was the best of the shows so far.  Triple A (Batteries not included) was not, as I first thought, a sketch group but three immensely talented comedians.
Chris Turner was the compere. The rapport he built with the audience was very strong from the moment he stepped onto the stage.  He was very confident and made the audience comfortable.  He also made some rather amusing quips from questions to the audience.  He also provided us with some background information of his own.  Such as, he comes from Manchester (even though he has a rather posh voice) and he has been doing stand up ever since he left university 3 years ago, where he studied economics.
After five minutes or so Chris asked us to welcome David Elms to the stage.  He seemed to have the persona of someone that likes to write comedy songs solely based on the alphabet. Or that’s how it seemed.  There was a good bit of banter between him and an audience member sat just in front of me.  David asked him for his name and what he did for a living.  When the guy said John, it was in a very deep tone, and with a distinct northern accent.  I think it was Yorkshire or somewhere in that area.  He told us he was a retired fireman.  As David said, it was a much nobler profession than his own.  We all agreed and David then proceeded to do his first song.  In this song he made very good comical use of the phonetic alphabet.  Going all the way through from A to Z a story unfolded of a girl he’d fallen in love with.  This worked really well and as an audience we responded as you’d expect to the way in which he used each letter. He played three songs altogether.  They were all of a similar nature but all very funny.  There was also a point where he broke away from his ‘character’ and suddenly started talking in a high pitched tone.  This turned out to be a very funny distraction from the rest of his set.
After David Elms it was the turn of Adam Hess. He was probably the elder of the three on the bill, but that could have just been because he had a beard, and as Chris had told us at the start of the show was unlikely to ever grow one because he’s so young looking. 
Adam began his set by gauging the audience reaction to certain words.  Unconventionally he asked the kids in the audience what was the worst word they can think of. One, all of 12 years old said bum.  To which he admitted to not knowing there would be any kids in the audience.  Had he seen the posters to the show he would have known it was for all ages.  He then informed us he would have to ditch most of his material due to the nature of its graphic wording.  This of course was part of the act.  Most of his set contained stories of his ex-girlfriend.  This was beginning to become the central theme to this show, but the jokes were good and even the kids reacted with laughter. 
His best story was saved for the last of his set, and concerned a girl he’d seen at a bus stop, who he’d wanted to impress.  The story begins with a woman in front of him at the stop whose child, in a push chair, had dropped what appeared to be a ball, onto the floor.  He thought to himself that, as no-one else in the queue had, he’d pick the ball up and pass it to the child in the push char, thus making himself out to be heroic and cool, and the girl would instantly fall in love with him and his sensitive nature.  Unfortunately this plan went awry, as it turned out, to his dismay, the ball turned out to be no more than a scotched egg.  What made it worse was the fact that when the child had dropped the ‘ball’ Adam had let out a little scream. 
Added to that the fact Adam was dressed in a very dishevelled way due to sleeping on a friend’s sofa in his clothes the night before, he just looked like a tramp picking up a scotched egg. 
We welcomed Chris back onto the stage where he wrapped the show up with his finale and party piece.  This consisted of him asking us to shout out words which he would then incorporate into an improvised rap.  Words included Apricot, Spanner spoon, and circumstantial.  He seemed to effortlessly place these words into the rap and it was extremely funny. It was one of the funniest and cleverest improvised raps I've ever heard.  And that was where the show ended.

After this it was down to the Cabaret Voltaire to see Jessica Fostekew in her show, simply titled ‘Moving’.  As the title suggests this was a show based on the experience of moving into a flat with her boyfriend.  She informed us that they had met whilst she was working in a coffee bar and he in the video shop next door.  She said she loves living with him but hates living with his stuff.  It turns out he’s a bit of a hoarder.  The things she hates most are his ‘collections’ of torches and out of date canned foods.  He says that they are essential if the apocalypse ever happens.  He’s presuming it’ll happen in their life times. 

Jess then went into the story of moving in with Mikey (her boyfriend) and the experience she had with the removal company.  Capital Movers are one of those firms that like to advertise themselves with a slogan.  In their case it’s the spurious claim that they are ‘the friendliest movers in London’.  I say never use any company that awards themselves that kind of platitude. Invariably they will not turn out to be anything like that.  As it turned out they weren’t the friendliest in town but the exact opposite.
Jess informed us that there were just two men in the van, one wearing a hoodie (with the hood up all day), and didn’t utter a single word throughout the day. The other was older, with what she described as a gnarled up face who found every possible reason not to move anything, choosing instead to let his younger colleague carry that burden. Neither a finger nor a hand a lifter be.  I think that’s the term!
She continued by explaining the rivalry between her and her new neighbours.  At one point their neighbours posted a letter through the door protesting at the noise Jess and Mikey were making at certain times of the day i.e. the night time!  The constant one-upmanship got to a stage where, while Mikey was washing up, and the neighbours could see them through the kitchen window, Jess impulsively decided to re-enact the scene in Ghost where Patrick Swayze sat behind Demi Moore at the potter’s wheel.  In this case Jess played the part of Patrick Swayze to Mikey's (unsuspecting) Demi Moore.  As Jess goes onto tell the audience of this unfolding adventure she also lets us in on the way it all began to go horribly wrong as the two rival girlfriends gradually tried to out do each other.
Moving away from this she told us a great story about the time she performed a show in Morecambe.  The hotel that she stayed in was rather quaint and very Lancastrian. However, there were one or two aspects of it she found very strange; namely the Manageress and the waitress.  These two seemed rather unsuited to either running or working in the customer services industry.  The Manageress was weird enough, what with giving out menus for breakfast that only had written on it ‘Full English breakfast’ but the waitress was even weirder with her turning towards the wall while Jess made up her mind whether to have beans or tomatoes.  Those are generally the choices with that kind of breakfast.  And when she turned back around asked Jess ‘what’ll it be?’ and her then saying ‘I’ll give you another minute and a half’ and then returning to the position of facing the wall.  Jess’ decision was to not have either beans or tomatoes, to which the waitress responded with a bemused look on her face, as if to suggest that no-one had ever opted for neither.
Towards the end Jess offered up a few of her own indiscretions by reading out extracts of her first travel journal, as a 19 year old student travelling to Greece with friends.  This pretty much concluded the show, and satisfied the audience.  As is customary I put some money into the collection bucket (it was a free show after all) happy in the knowledge I am supporting the free aspect of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. 

Edinburgh Festival Fringe Day 2

Tuesday 13^th August



Today was the day of Richard Herrings Edinburgh Fringe Podcast (or as it’s known by all the cool kids RHEFP).  This show is mainly an interview show with a few jokes and ‘emergency questions’ thrown in.  2013 is the third successive year for this podcast and it is always entertaining and fun.  This year was the first that Richard Herring had welcomed two guests of the comedy world onto the stage plus a five minute stand up set showcasing an up and coming talent. His guests today were one liner extraordinaire Milton Jones and American YouTube sensation Bo Burnham.

The journey there was an eventful one, including my trip and subsequent fall up the path leading to the venue.  The first part of the journey took in a thirty mile drive to Newcraighall train station, which is ten miles from Edinburgh itself. Then a train ride into Edinburgh.  That all worked out fine and we seemed to have plenty of time to get to The Stand comedy club.  Having paid for tickets a few months ago via the Edinburgh fringe website I thought it sensible to leave them at the box office, ready for collection on the day of the show.  As I understood from the website there would be box offices and collection points all dotted around the different venues.  That certainly seemed the case when we got near to The Stand. However, they failed to mention that tickets bought through the website could only be collected at a specific box office.  So the first box office we try, situated outside the Assembly Rooms was only for shows held at that venue.  We were told to go directly to the stand box office where they could print them out.  Time was getting on and we were in danger of missing the beginning of the podcast recording.  When we reached the box office I was asked if I had purchased the tickets through their website, to which I responded ‘no I got them through the main fringe site.  This it seemed was the wrong answer, and the girl behind the computer harrumphed as if to say it was my fault.  I took an instant dislike to this girl and her attitude.  It was made all the more difficult as she had to find my order and then print off a pair of their in-house tickets off.  All the time I was made to feel as if I had gone about the whole process in the wrong way.  I could only take exception to that. 
Due to the time wasted upstairs the show was so close starting that me and my friend had to, ironically, stand up throughout.
Richard Herring, his guests and the emerging stand up comedian made up for that by being very funny and we still managed to enjoy it. What I loved the most was the ‘emergency question’ ‘If you HAD to marry a Muppet which one would it be and why?’  This question was only put to Milton Jones and he answered with Beaker, Dr Bunsen Honeydew’s assistant. And why? ‘Because of the sounds he makes.  It would just be funny living with someone like that!’

From The Stand we headed over to the Gilded Balloon, which is situated in amongst the University of Edinburgh site, to see Michael J Dolan.  After having to navigate a number of stairs leading to UYianni’s show on Monday, this venue known as The Turret had even more leading up to it.  I appreciate that Edinburgh is an old city but I am also getting old and stairs are no longer a friend to my knees. 

My friend and I were some of the first to go into the room, and typically we were the only ones brave enough to sit at the front. Even though we knew full well Michael wouldn’t pick on audience members.  He’s not that kind of comedian.  He even admitted to not wanting to make eye contact with anyone specific as it made him nervous. 
I think this is the case with most stand up comedians unless it’s part of their act or are coopering.  This was not one of those shows.  For the most part they prefer to look into the middle distance.
Michael’s show, called ‘Nothing Will Ever Be Alright Again, Ever’, consisted of storytelling with jokes, from a darker world view. These included his hatred of most things and his time spent taking Prozac for depression.  With some comedians it’s difficult to tell when they are being themselves and when they are still in their on stage persona.  Some of the content of a show like this was likely to turn some people away; however, I’m not one of those people and thoroughly enjoyed the darker nature of his stories.  They say comedy is truth and I could tell that everything he said was the truth or at least very close to it.  The set ended early and at forty five minutes did seem a little short. 

Edinburgh Festival Fringe Day 1

Monday 12^th August



And so to day one of the festival.  The first show I wanted to see began at four forty five.  This was Yianni in Think Big, his third successive show at the fringe.  Having seen this Greek/Australian comic perform at one of my local pubs I already had a sense of what to expect. Or so I thought.  The information I’d seen about this show indicated that there would be some audience participation however I wasn’t expecting to be a part of it myself.  I was picked out and asked for my answer to the question that had been the first projector slide.  The question was ‘what would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?’ I decided to be profound with my answer and said ‘continue’.  This turned out to be rather unlike the answer Yianni was expecting.  I didn’t realise I meant to say stop world hunger or something like that.  This managed to throw him a little and stopped him in his tracks for a moment.  However, you want to see how a comedian reacts to audience responses and I did feel a little smug about it, just for a moment. Yianni confessed to not knowing what to say but felt I had offered the best answer in the ten days the show had been running.

According to him Cant is the new C-word.  I had been told that all the way through school, and yet I still use it to this day.  I always questioned that there is no such word as cant; mostly by being facetious and suggesting if that’s the case why was it in the oxford English dictionary? These things can’t be entered if they don’t exist, after all!
After the show we headed down to the nearest pizza hut.  I had a very nice Americano pizza.  There’s not much to say about that other than it was eleven inches on the flat. As for the pizza it was an Italian thin crust!
It was getting on for seven o’clock by now and my friends decided it was a good idea to go across the water to Stirling in order to visit one of their relatives.  It had been my friend’s brother’s birthday on Saturday and they had a few presents to give to him.  As we drove over the bridge I could see the forth bridge in the near distance.  This was the first time id seen it at the same height. Previous to this id only ever seen it from the ground up.  The best thing was the way the cloud covering the sun made the bridge shine.
The most unusual sighting of the day had to be a shop called Happit.  I’m not surprised it was closing down as most of the stock looked like a load of old tat.  Thus making it a Happitat shop!   

Edinburgh Festival Fringe Countdown Day 1

Sunday 11^th August

One day to go and today was like the calm before the storm.  Not that I was expecting such a thing to happen.  I may be in Scotland but that doesn’t mean to say it has to rain all the time.
What I really mean is that it was the day of relaxation between the six and a half hour journey there and the first show of the festival for me.
I got up at ten fifteen and proceeded to very leisurely take a shower, get dressed and join my hosts for breakfast.  Early in the afternoon we went into Dunbar for a coffee.  None of this expensive Starbucks stuff though.  For you see Dunbar has its very own coffee shop that looks to be doing OK thank you very much without any outside influence or assistance. Along with my coffee I indulged in a piece of pecan pie.  And very nice it was.  Of course they do offer the same kinds of coffee products as the larger and better known places but as a non-frequenter of such establishments I am unable to comment on exactly which beans they use or where they come from for that matter.
On returning from the afternoon excursion I spent the time largely conversing with my hosts followed by a little bit of Internet surfing.  Early evening was soon upon us and time for dinner.  This was homemade Pasta Bolognese, closely followed by an evening spent in front of the TV.
Can’t wait to get to the first show!

Edinburgh Festival Fringe Countdown Day 2

Between Saturday the 10^th August and Saturday 17the August I went on holiday to Scotland.  I stayed in a village called Cockburnspath, just outside Dunbar.  I stayed there with some friends who were kind enough to put me up and ferry me in and out of Edinburgh for the Fringe Festival.  Below are the daily journal entries I made while there.

 Saturday 10^th August

They say start as you mean to go on.  What they don’t tell you is that if it starts badly it’s bound to continue along the same path.  Luckily for me only the former is true on this day.

I wake up to find that my mobile, on which my alarm is set, has run out of power.  Annoyingly it was fully charged when I went to bed.  Or so I thought.  I suggest the power was stolen by some power thief who thought just on the day I’m about to go away for a week’s holiday would make it just that little bit difficult. Good job then, I say, he didn’t counter for my own alarm to wake me up before the real one was due.  That showed ‘em!

So, after some time spent running around, pulling my hair out and charging my phone up for as long as I can, I manage to get dressed and order the taxi which will take me to the train station. Albeit five minutes later than originally scheduled.
From the way I've begun to write these entries you’d probably wonder if I’d spent the entire time pulling my hair out and having mini-tantrums. I'm glad to say that was not the case and I will be able to tell you all about my first full week spent taking in the sights, sounds and smells of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.  From Richard Herring to Jigsaw and all points in between, I invite you to join me on this excursion of mirth and merriment.
Let’s begin though with a few of the spectacles that caught my eye (as opposed to the ones on my face) in and around the place I stayed.  The first thing to comment on was the power station close to my friends’ house.  It’s not so different a sight if you happen to pass it every time you make a journey to and from Dunbar.  But this power station has something different to reference than anything I've heard of before.  That being the special paint it has been coated with.  It gives you the impression that its not there.  Not invisible as such (it wasn’t contracted to Harry Potter and sons, painters and decorators) but more that it blends in to its environment, like a chameleon.
The second was that of a ‘bridge to nowhere’, as the locals commonly refer to it.  What’s so strange about this bridge is that it’s positioned only about 300 yards from the shoreline of a stretch of sea in Dunbar.  It’s a typically concrete structure, humped like most bridges, with metal railings on either side.  I think id get the hump if I was that isolated!  This picture shows you exactly what I mean.

Casserole Babies

For dinner today I fancied trying out a sausage casserole mix type thing that had been advertised on TV recently.  In order to make it you need the usual ingredients; water, onions, mushrooms, and sausages of course.
Whilst preparing the ingredients I became interested in what was written on the back of the packet (other than the instructions).
There is a warning towards the bottom that says 'To avoid suffocation keep away from babies and children'.  This was referring to the plastic bag that came with the packet.  I realise this is a very practical warning and should be taken very seriously, however, to someone like myself, who takes a rather skewed view on most things, I considered the warning and began to think of other ways in which this could be interpreted. 
For example, what if you were to take the view that the warning might suggest not giving the bag to a child in case they decide to suffocate you with it instead of themselves (not that I'd wish that on any child).  Just supposing you have a rather demonstrative child who likes to inflict pain on others for the sheer fun of it (kids like that do exist).
Or, the other way to look at it might be that its a good idea to stay away from children in general in case they bring about a sudden loss of breath (not entirely, just asthma symptoms or hyperventilation).  I found myself in just that situation last week.  Well, almost, it was more like exasperation.  A colleague of mine has just become a grand mother for the I don't know how manyth time, and she insisted on showing me pictures of him.  I am indifferent to children to say the least, and I don't have any of my own (that i know of!) However, I am one of those people that babies generally seem to cry around, so avoiding them (with or without bags) is done at all costs.

It's Not Big Or Clever

Tonight saw the final episode of series three of Mrs Brown's Boys, as broadcast on BBC1 in the UK.  Whilst I am not really a fan of the show, I have endured it over the weeks of its current run.   There must obviously be some appeal for a certain section of the British public, especially considering more than 7 million people have been tuning in to keep up with the events of its main protagonist (and, some would say, antagonist) Agnes Brown and her family.
To say I understand its popularity is somewhat of an overstatement.  I have been hoping that there would be something in it to change my mind, and I could then say I enjoy it, but alas no, I am still struggling on that front.
Mrs Brown seems to spend all her time interfering in her children's lives without any of the fallout you'd expect from such put upon offspring (most kids would have dishoned someone that annoying).  And, of course when she's not interfering she's swearing and generally being vulgar to boot.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude, far from it, I love nothing more than a good double entendre, and have been known to swear like the proverbial trooper (not that I've ever met a trooper, or heard one swear either), but as kids we were told it's not big and its not clever.  In fact my mum once told me 'we'll have no f*cking in this house'; to which i found incredibly funny, and repeated on several occasions in the days that followed. Admittedly I was a 15 year old boy who still found the word 'bollocks' funny (actually that still makes me chuckle a little). 
Maybe the simple, vulgar nature of the language is its overall appeal. 
I guess what I'm trying to convey here is the slightly hypocritical nature of the world we live in.  Its not big or clever when kids do it but its hilarious when adults do it on, and watch it on TV. 

You Need Hands!

In today's (7th Jan 2013) G2 pullout of The Guardian newspaper, Charlie Brooker provides us with a very helpful guide on how not to catch the Norovirus bug.  Its a very useful item, much like my own that I have included underneath.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/jan/06/how-not-to-catch-the-norovirus

Hand Washing
I am all for keeping clean, washing my hands and generally living a hygienic lifestyle. So with that in mind, I'd like to take this opportunity to explain my thoughts on the subject of cleanliness and hygiene, especially in the environment of the public or work toilets.
The process of washing your hands is to essentially remove the majority of germs from them after having excreted waste products from your body. I'd like to flush my thoughts on this subject out into the open. As I see it, once you have washed your hands, if you have used a cubicle to excrete your business into the wider world you then have the dilemma of how to get out of said cubicle, without making contact with the surfaces which are currently preventing you from leaving. Because, and this is the tricky part, even though you’ve just removed all or most of the offending creatures from your hands, you end up touching the door handle that gets you back into the ‘outside’ world. This means you’ve just added a whole new bunch of germs to the once dirty, now clean, now dirty again, hands. Then you wonder if you should start the whole process over again?
This hasn't caused me endless nights of worry but it’s no surprise to me that some people end up with OCD. It seems like an ever decreasing circle of contact with germs, soap and water. Where do you draw the line? Thats what I'd like to know? Wouldn’t it just be easier if we all wore (and occasionally changed...I’m not filthy you know!) gloves. That way we would never have to worry about the nightmare of making contact with both the germs and the things they’re living on.

Michael Jackson was half way there with the one glove, but maybe that was because he either lost the other one or was constantly having it washed. Whatever the case you'd have to say he was starting something!