Curry, Comedy and Cakes

Last night (29th Nov) I went for a meal with my college tutor and other members of the writing class I attended recently.
     It was great to chat in a social way with one's peers.  Although I am on an (almost) equal footing with these guys, I still hold them in very high regard.  Whether that is because in some silly way I feel that they are superior writers than myself i'm not sure.  It's always something i concern myself over.  I wouldnt say i'm insecure but of my abilities as a writer have always been something of an issue.  On the up side of this i am assured (by my peers) that i have as much ability as anyone else.
     And so to the meal.  We met in a very nice place called The Goddard Arms.  The layout is very comfortable, and they even had 'Ambient' lighting (or was it just dark?) Anyway, the food was nice (Chicken Tikka on skewers, and Chicken Tikka Masala) but more importantly the company was great, a range of topics were discussed and we had a lot of laughs along the way;
     You may (or may not, depending on how observant you are) have noticed the video of little ole me doing Stand up.  Well, this was one of the topics we talked about.  Hotly discussed was the fact of whether there is too much reliance on profanity in comedy these days.  This, of course depends on the context of the routine and who is delivering it.  If you hear the name Roy 'Chubby' Brown, you automatically think of rudeness, racism and really crude jokes, mostly containing the C-word (and thats just how i'd describe him). 
     My friend Tom took slight exception to Sarah Millican, who he believes to be crude.  I leapt to her defence, and argued that there are not enough female comics of her quality and there needs to be a higher percentage in comparison to men.  Anyone would think i'm a feminist by saying that, but no, just a realist who happens to think jokes about cakes and periods are right on, sister!  At one time men got away with making jokes about their mothers in law, their wives and how fat they are;  Obviously this is no longer acceptable, because, for one thing its no longer 1975, and secondly, Bernard Manning is no longer the height of stand up sophistication.  My point is that female comics are allowed to get away with jokes about their boyfriends, cakes and 'women's problems' because i'm sure they have had to put up with jokes about their mothers, weight gain, etc for long enough.

Wills And Kate Hit Skid Row

As part of their tour of Canada and Hollywood the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge made an impromptu guest appearance at a gig held by rock band Skid Row.
For the first time in his life and unlike his Grand-Mother, William had no need to ask ‘And what do you do’.   He knew all too well ‘what they do’. 
Picking up a guitar and throwing the strap over his shoulder, William instantly remembered the chords of ‘Youth Gone Wild’, the Row’s biggest hit.
Being a fan of the band since early childhood, and having attended several of their concerts Kate couldn’t recall seeing William in the group.  That, however, was probably due to the fact that, firstly, he was introduced as Wills.I.Am.Not, and secondly he was dressed in a long dark wig, leather trousers and check shirt.  With the addition of dark glasses once owned by Ozzy Osbourne it’s not surprising she failed to recognise him. 
Kate could not believe her luck that, not only has she bagged herself a Prince, but a Prince of Rock.  These were moments she would treasure for the rest of her life.  The wedding may have been a fairy tale, but this really was a dream come true.
It wasn’t until the Prince (of rock) came off stage that he was informed by one of his aides that they’d ended up at the wrong venue.
He took it all in good faith and even managed a dig at his brother.  He said “maybe one day my brother Harry will reach the heights of Skid Row”.

*written in July 2011

Bjork to star in live action film of Crystal Tipps and Alistair

It has been confirmed that the Icelandic pop singer Bjork has successfully landed the lead role in the forthcoming live action version of Crystal Tipps and Alistair.  Having been away from the music scene for the last two years she decided to have a go at acting for a second time. When asked how she came to audition for the part she responded by saying “I felt this was the right time to declare independence on my musical career'.  When asked why this role in particular, she informed us that 'it seemed the perfect role for my new candyfloss hairdo and I was able to display my sensuality, big time at the audition. I guess it was the army of me coming to the fore'.
Other candidates considered for the role included Jazz legend Cleo Laine and actress/dancer Bonny Langford (as she was in Just William). The director of the forthcoming feature, Mike Leigh, informed us as to how they were pipped to the Post by Bjork; ‘Look at it from my point of view' he responded 'on the one hand you have Cleo Laine, a very successful and highly influential candyfloss haired jazz artist, and on the other you have an irritating dancer and actress who played an annoying little brat in a kids show’. He added that ‘Cleo just couldn’t bring the gritty realism to the role that I was looking for. And as for Ms Langford she just made me scream and scream and scream until I was sick sick sick’.

BA Was a CA in the TA

It has been revealed that B.A. Baracus, one of the stars of The A Team, never was an ex-Vietnam veteran.  Bryan Amis, his real name, was in fact a Careers Advisor for the British Territorial Army.

Talking to Bryan’s mum she suggested that BA’s most well known phrase ‘Ain’t Getting on No Plane, Fool’ was just something he made up. In real life Bryan was genuinely scared of flying and this fear was revealed when The A-Team was in pre-production. 
The programme makers asked the cast to provide any fears or flaws they could use as part of their characters.  They were all put through a series of tough and scrutinising psychological tests; Dirk Benedict, the actor who played Face-Man, admitted to fears of infidelity and loneliness.  As with all great shows, the writers exploited these in full.  It seemed appropriate that he should play it in the style of a Romeo.  Subsequent fears to emerge included that of Dwight Schulz, the actor who played Mad Murdoch; although he was meant to have a multiple personality disorder, he only had a slight paranoia complex.  As for Hannibal Smith (George Peppard),the so-called ‘brains’ of the outfit, only displayed the flaw of being unable to conduct himself without plugging the gap in the side of his mouth with a cigar.  So how did Bryan Amis, of Leamington Spa, become one of the stars of a poorly plotted and badly acted TV show about four ex-Vietnam veterans, fighting the evils of modern (well, 80’s at least) villainy?  The answer lies with the Territorial Army; Bryan was invited to America to co-ordinate a training programme alongside the US volunteer core, AmeriCorps.  He soon found himself going from lowly Co-ordinator to official trainee.  The exercise regime was designed to establish how the men would cope under pressure when trapped in a large shed, housing an Acetylene torch, some pipes and a few hundred rounds of ammunition.  The other objective was to see if, against the odds, four (ill equipped) men were able to out-wit a group of corrupt city slickers who were extorting money out of honest, hard working farming folk.  This led to a chance meeting with Mr Stephen J. Cannell, who just happened to be scouting for men to star in a new primetime US TV show.
At the time, Bryan spoke with a broad Leamington Spa accent.  This proved a slight problem for Mr Cannell as he “couldn't understand a word he says”.  When asked how he feels about his mum's revelations B.A. instinctively suggested “I pity the fool”.