Bjork to star in live action film of Crystal Tipps and Alistair

It has been confirmed that the Icelandic pop singer Bjork has successfully landed the lead role in the forthcoming live action version of Crystal Tipps and Alistair.  Having been away from the music scene for the last two years she decided to have a go at acting for a second time. When asked how she came to audition for the part she responded by saying “I felt this was the right time to declare independence on my musical career'.  When asked why this role in particular, she informed us that 'it seemed the perfect role for my new candyfloss hairdo and I was able to display my sensuality, big time at the audition. I guess it was the army of me coming to the fore'.
Other candidates considered for the role included Jazz legend Cleo Laine and actress/dancer Bonny Langford (as she was in Just William). The director of the forthcoming feature, Mike Leigh, informed us as to how they were pipped to the Post by Bjork; ‘Look at it from my point of view' he responded 'on the one hand you have Cleo Laine, a very successful and highly influential candyfloss haired jazz artist, and on the other you have an irritating dancer and actress who played an annoying little brat in a kids show’. He added that ‘Cleo just couldn’t bring the gritty realism to the role that I was looking for. And as for Ms Langford she just made me scream and scream and scream until I was sick sick sick’.