Company Christmas Don'ts

          Christmas is fast approaching, and as is customary this time of year, companies all over the country will be holding their own celebrations. Whether its by booking a table in a nice restaurant, hiring the main hall of a hotel, or just down the local pub, you can usually tell how it will end up.  And anyone who has ever attended one of these functions will know that for the most part they are fun and enjoyable, even if it’s with people you don’t (necessarily) socialise with outside of work. But sometimes these things seem to just descend into a world of stupidity, nonsense, and even depravity. I’d like to share the following encounter which happened a few years ago at such an event;
                     Due to being on antibiotics at the time I was unable to drink alcohol.  This turned out to be a good thing, as it gave me a chance to observe the other revellers.  Having previously heard all about some of their typical Friday nights out I should not have been surprised at what went on at this event. However, as you are about to discover, some of these so-called 'professionals' managed to bring the whole thing down in utter chaos; 
         There were people falling over on the dance floor, some on top of others, like some kind of school yard pile up; I’m sure that just before I witnessed that I heard the word ‘bundle’ coming over the PA system. There were people throwing up in the toilets (not the disabled ones…there wasn’t enough room with couples‘getting it on’) and under and even onto their own tables. I saw one guy (lets not call him poor or unfortunate, because he was neither of those things), throw up onto his partner’s un-touched (after this) dessert; it looked like a cross between a badly made trifle and vegetable soup, croutons included!
                           But, out of all the things I witnessed on that night, none were as messy, saddening or, dare I say, as funny, as the sight of a fully grown (albeit short) man being fed roast potatoes by his colleague sat next to him. Funnier still was the sight of him, head down, eyes closed, gnawing on the same potato for what seemed like tens of minutes. It was, in actual fact, only around four or five.  Looking on at this sad display I could only compare it to seeing a child being fed its first solid meal by its mother, or an old person who, a) had forgotten to put their teeth in that day or b) suffered from the awful effects of Alzheimer's! And all this before ten o'clock in the evening!

Merry Christmas to you all!