Charles Bronson film actor or prisoner, what's the difference

A few weeks ago I was talking to a colleague about a criminal known as Charles Bronson.  Having forgotten that apart from the film actor there was a second Charles Bronson who was put in prison for a crime he was unable to fully realise, or get away with, as it turned out.  What follows is a daft imagining from the recesses of my brain as to how he ended up in prison...

The director of the Death Wish films, Michael Winner, should really be put in prison as well, just for merely being a part of such a heinous crime against film making.

But wait, did I hear you right?  Not that Charles Bronson you say!  Not even Archie Bronson (whoever he is) would have committed such unlawful acts; but I digress.
It’s the other Charles Bronson, the ‘star’ of the bio-pic Bronson, named, funnily enough after his original boxing alias.  Now I know who you mean.
Even though he is renowned as the ‘most dangerous inmate’ in Britain, it really wasn’t the case at first.  This hard man began a seven year sentence, initially for a little bit of robbing and beating up any ponces that get in the way of his newly found boxing career.
Like all criminals, Charles’s initial foray into crime was a simple robbery; what Charles didn’t account for was that he may get caught.  As fate would have it, this is exactly what happened when he decided to hold a little post office.
What he initially planned to be a breeze, ended up in farce;
‘So, there I was, all ready for an easy life and what happens?  Well, some mug comes into the Post Office and interrupts my flow, the bastard’.
Of course, when he says flow, what he really means is his robbery patoir.  This basically consisted of patiently standing in line with all the olds, waiting for their weekly pension payout, until it gets to his turn and he can explain that ‘this is a stick up!’  This was where the problem really began.  Poor Charles, and I do mean poor (why else do you think he turned to crime?), had spent days rehearsing his ‘stick-em up’ speech, and when he finally gets to put it into action he gets interrupted by some old dear behind him;
‘Are you going to be long dear?’ The old lady said.
He was right in the middle of it and by all accounts going really well (even though the old lady wasn’t available for comment).
‘It’s just; I have to get back to my George.  He’ll be wondering where I am.  Its nearly time for his lunch you know’. 
‘Don’t you worry love; this’ll be over and done with in a flash’.
‘That’s nice to know, because I can’t keep him waiting’.
 He may be a nutter in prison, but on the outside (when he’s actually there) he’s very considerate.  So said his ex-wife.
‘What you going on about, you mad old thing’.
‘I may be mad dear, but I’m not as old as you think’.
This went on for another ten minutes, and in that time the Police had been called and the lady behind the counter had put the kettle on, prepared a Pot Noodle and made a long distance call to her brother in Australia.
In the end he thought – sod this – and persuaded the few people in front of him to part with the money they had on them, including some change.
Being pension day that left him with a grand total of £73.29 and even some of the change was in pesetas and francs, and as we all know they ain’t any good to no-one, to coin a phrase.

What is love anyway?

That's not a personal question, but the name of both a song by Howard Jones and also a comedy show by UK stand up comedian and writer Richard Herring.
It was the day before my friend Christina's birthday (3rd Feb) and as a present I bought her a ticket to the show.  Myself and her brother were also in attendance. This may well become a tradition considering I did the same last year when Mark Steel was in town (those that have heard Mark Steel on Radio 4 will get the reference).
I think its fair to say that all three of us have been fans of Mr Herring since the days of Lee & Herring's Fist of Fun, but for one reason or another it isn't until now that we have managed to catch one of his shows.  This year was going to be different; I decided after the last few years of listening to his AIOTM and Edinburgh 2011 podcasts (both available to listen to at www.comedy.co.uk, and to buy from www.gofasterstripe.com), as well as buying DVDs of his past shows, I decided it was time to actually see him in the flesh (as it were).
So, what is love? That's not for me to answer, after all everyone has their own definition of love, and there are lots of ways to express love. In this case i have expressed my platonic love for my friend by giving her the opportunity to see a live show that tries to break down the mystery that is love.
The show itself ran for almost two hours with a 20 minute interval after the first hour.  Not long to crack the science or philosophy or whatever of love but in some ways Richard Herring succeeds.  The show was done in a kind of chronological order, from birth, and the love for your parents and vice versa, through to the teenage years where all of us at some point will have told our parents "I hate you", to finding love for ourselves in adulthood, and eventually to the last years spent amongst loved ones.
The illusion of domestic bliss with his girlfriend was somewhat shattered by making fun of her. By her own admission she is a little kooky and Richard managed to make light of this in a very flattering way; I’m sure she didn’t mind a little ribbing for the purposes of the show.
The deconstruction of the poem he'd written as an 18 year old, recounting the year a school friend spent sleeping with as many girls as he could, was funnier than you could imagine.
For me, the highlight would have to have been the 3 or so minutes' rant where he informs us that on the first Valentines day spent with his girlfriend he decided he would buy a single Ferrero Rocher (the gold wrapped chocolate/nut combination) and continue to do so on every subsequent Valentines Day.  This was an amazing recall of the amount of these things needed to make up a pyramid as seen on the television adverts, in which a waiter serves a tray of Ferrero Rocher to expectant guests at a dinner party, to which one of the guests comments "you are spoiling us with these chocolates".
Of course a show like this must include some darker elements of the human condition and it was so easy to see the lengths he went to in order to bring us the kind of pathos needed to make it more than just a comedy show with jokes about sexual love.  If he is due to come to your town or city in the UK, and there are still tickets available I highly recommend going to see him.